Back to School Blues

My little guy started first grade in our public school system yesterday and, for the past few weeks, I’ve had mixed emotions. 

Shane began his school career by attending pre-school at a private Christian school when he was three. 

For the past four years, we have been extremely happy with Journey of Faith as he progressed and moved from pre-school to transitional kindergarten to actual kindergarten.  The highest level of schooling offered at Journey.

Each year, he was assigned to so many wonderful teachers; however, last year was the cherry on top.  Shane was lucky enough to find himself with a first year teacher who went above and beyond for all her students 

Ms. Moon was compassionate and filled with love for her charges, but she could be disciplinary when necessary; she had nothing but the student’s best interest in mind.

She was (and is) a remarkable teacher and Shane excelled.

But the school -- which doubles as our church -- was also a comfort zone for me.  After four years, I knew everyone – from teachers to parents to administrators – so there was a level of security that I had grown accustomed to as well.

Despite the fact that the Hermosa Beach school district is battling state-wide budget cuts which could – and most likely will – cause the district to realign the town’s elementary and middle schools, it has an amazing reputation.  However, for now, we are happy that Shane has been able to transition to his new school.

Last week – as I was on the district’s website downloading documents– I could not believe how emotional it made me.  As I was looking at the emergency contact form in case of a natural disaster, I didn’t just have a tear or two, I was balling like a baby.

Now, for anyone who knows me, I don’t really cry that easy. So I was shocked myself.  In my defense, it was also Shane's birthday so I was feeling very fragile in regards to how quickly my little man was growing up.

But I have no excuse for when I was filling out the forms at home on Tuesday night.  I did not have hysterics, but I did shed a tear or two or maybe even six.

Yesterday, when the alarm clock went off, I jumped out of bed. I think I was more nervous than Shane, who is always a cool as a cucumber.

He and I had breakfast, got dressed and ready to go just like any other day.  I fussed around him making sure he had everything – I even painstakingly packed his lunch the night before– so we wouldn’t be late. 

But, right on time, my hubby and I walked him up the street since his school is only two blocks away.  Immediately, I felt better because it was parent overload!  I was not the only one feeling  melancholy and heartsick about the new school year.

As far as the eye could see, there were parents ogling their children. Some were taking pictures, some were giving hugs, and some were just standing next to the wee boys and girls with a comforting arm draped across their shoulders.

I have to say that not one child looked upset.  Some seemed a tad apprehensive and a few were sick of getting their photos taken, but most of the students just seemed happy to be there.

As Shane’s class disappeared into the classroom, I have to admit, I did sort of swallow a sob, but then I saw how happy and confident he was and, when he gave me the thumbs up, I knew I was going to be alright.